Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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