I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you win again, gameday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize