my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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