I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
