I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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