All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize