The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
