Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
