Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
