great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
