i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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