I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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