Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
