You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
