My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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