Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
