my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
