well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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