First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
