If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
