my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
