Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize