You can't motorboat a personality
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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