i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
