That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
