when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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