So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize