I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
