Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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