it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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