Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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