last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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