he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
