I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
