So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
