i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
