I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
