Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
