i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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