My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A bitchslap is in order.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
