Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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