I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
