I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
