If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
