You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
