Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
