I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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