remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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