i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm really busy with my period
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