She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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