Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish you could order shots online.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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