toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
