We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize