So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
