I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
