Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
