scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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