the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
