even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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