He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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