I didn't shave. On purpose
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
