Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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