I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
