I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its liver damage thursday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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