I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize