Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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