she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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