New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
