Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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