I'm so fucking centered right now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize