he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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