My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
